Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Alaska Gourmet - The Campfire Hotdog

Step 1) Build an inferno.  all of that shit about slowly roasting your hot dog or marshmallows until they're golden brown is just that.  You want a fire so hot you need a ten foot stick to get your hot dog into the flames while your front roasts until you're medium rare.

Step 2) Burn your second hot dog. (your first will have fallen off by this point and your panicked attempts to rush the flames and dig it out will bring great amusement to your fellow campfire companions.)   You want the hot dog on fire with a nice thick coating of char, ashes, some pine needles and dirt for extra flavor and texture. Same goes for marshmallows, they're only good when they flaming projectiles of doom on a stick.

Step 3) Wrap in a slice of the mushed up bread that someone's already sat on. (being squished gives the bread extra flavor and squeezes out all of the unnecessary oxygen.)   Generously dosed with mustard and ketchup and stuff your face.

Step 4) Repeat, hot dog three will be eaten by an actual dog who snarfs it down while you're screaming at the kids not to flick the flaming projectiles of doom(marshmallows) into each other's hair and hot dog number 7 will fall off your stick again.

Congratulations, you now know how to create that glory of campfire cuisine, the hot dog.

In case you're wondering about building the inferno, dump a ton of gasoline on some dead wood and give the lighter to your husband/bro/some sucker.  Better them than you, you can make a peace offering with the hot dog the actual dog passed on when the kids dropped it on the ground.

As added entertainment, have above said children poke the sucker, er, brave fire starter with a stick in case they start getting cold feet about the whole thing.

Yay, family bonding!   Next week, we'll talk about while you should ALWAYS wear your gloves while clearing land. (Hint, you'll end up being called something charming like "stumpy" or "lefty") Or maybe getting the plow truck stuck, I'm pretty sure I can keep milking that one.....


  1. how amazing and delicious is that sandwich..?

  2. Bahahaha, made me giggle :D I wish I could build an inferno in our apartment, I'd tell scary stories and bake marshmallows :D
    Aaaaw the kiddies are adorable, and I don't even like kids!


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